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What's going on at the moment - Ed's journal
What's going on at the moment
My life is feeling all a bit mixed up. I have very much a sense of a ticking clock with work - on one hand, I'm looking forward to getting out of there, but on the other... I need to find a job.
I'm still quite optimistic about that - I've had a fair few potential job offers, and financially it'll probably do me quite well. However there's definitely a sense of pressure - 44 days left, in which I need to soak up the rest of my holiday, squeeze in some training, and somehow hand over the infrastructure in as good an order as is actually possible. Oh, and do so at the same time as my colleagues are also doing the same thing, and the whole office is suffering from morale impact of imminant doom.

But it's been a long process - I had already thought about moving on, interviewing and whatnot a year ago. But then came the TUPE transfer, and everything else - that whole thing has been going on since November. Perhaps a bit before when we first heard word. It's been a long time, and it's been ... a bit messy.

I'm not sure where I'll be, or what I'll be doing in 3 months time. However I am thinking I'll be moving house too. But that sort of depends on where and when I get a job.
Which in turn leads to a bit of financial uncertainty - I should be ok, I've not been badly payed, my overheads are low, and I stand to have a useful amount of redundancy pay, but it still leaves me flipping back and forth from states of trying to avoid spending any money whatsoever, and actually trying to be sensible.

On that note, I have an interview on Tuesday in Bristol, for a company that ... looks interesting. Anyone know much about CSC?

And the other thing that's going on at the moment, is a funeral - my grandmother died last week, and the funeral is Thursday. It's bothering me somewhat, because I really don't quite know how I feel about it. I don't think it's really sunk in. I think I've got a sort of ache, a bit like when you've just burned yourself on a hot pan, but the pain hasn't really started yet.

This in turn leads to ... well, mostly not wanting to think about other things. My calendar remains busy for the next few, but I still find it quite hard to think about ... well, anything else. The world is whirling a bit, and getting a bit chaotic. My instinctive reaction is to duck until I see where the pieces land. Metaphorically - that tends to mean soaking up evenings in things that require no connection with the world (computer games, the gym), sleeping and working. It leads to a sort of mess where I'm looking at all sorts of things I should do, but I don't because ... actually I don't quite know why.
This includes things like arranging leave, and weekends to do things, and meeting up and socializing with people, and making time for people I really should be making time for.

I'm not really complaining, per se. The future is still looking pretty positive. I've just got ... rather a lot of stuff on my plate. Some good, some bad, and it's feeling a bit like an overload.
7 comments or Leave a comment
From: linamishima Date: August 18th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC) (Link)
CSC is one of Serco's main competitors. As far as I know, it will probably be much like were I work (especially since our management teams keep ping-ponging between the two).
fishrgreat From: fishrgreat Date: August 18th, 2010 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)
We have to work with them. They're not the *most* disorganised and badly run company we work with but they run a close second most of the time.
From: linamishima Date: August 18th, 2010 10:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ahhh, you work with Serco, too!
velvet_nothing From: velvet_nothing Date: August 18th, 2010 10:27 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother.
hedya From: hedya Date: August 18th, 2010 12:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
sorry about your bereavement. And yes your description is rather apt: grief for the loss of a loved one tends to take a moment to settle in and be acknowledgeable.

I suggest being very gentle with yourself, especially because of all that you have on your plate; if you can, try to sit down and decide your top three priorities right now, and cut yourself some slack on the rest - if you need to disengage for for a while just to allow your hind brain to process, then so be it, the unessential is still gonna be there another day, and if it isn't.. well, it's unessential.
From: sebbo Date: August 18th, 2010 05:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
purp1e_magic From: purp1e_magic Date: August 19th, 2010 10:57 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Bad news is hard to bear, and especially so when you don't feel properly connected to your daily living.
7 comments or Leave a comment