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What is love? baby don't hurt me... - Ed's journal
What is love? baby don't hurt me...
OK, so on Radio 4 on monday, was 'beyond belief'.

The subject was love. Part of the discussion that caught my attention was how culturally in the UK we've kind of all got caught up in the 'one true love' myth - that there's someone out there, who will make all our troubles go away and 'everything' will be lovely.

But there's just a few problems with the concept, that we'll all see shoved down our necks by the media. (And doubly so with Valentine's day so near). The first, and simplest is that it's actually an extremely narrow scope - it implicitly rules out there being 'anyone else of any importance' because 'true love' is all you need.

Here's the hard part though - we've got a whole culture ... more or less geared up to the belief that 'true love' will save them - they're looking for something that ... well, frankly no one can really provide - whether you're of a religious bent or no, frontloading that burden of expectation on a potential lover is quite a quick road to things not working out. Sometimes it's as much transferring to the mythical 'true love' that which you'd expect from a religion.

It's worth I think, stopping to consider the use of the word, and what it's meaning actually is.
7 comments or Leave a comment
elrohana From: elrohana Date: February 10th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Actually, we're not all THAT stupid, but I do get your point.
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elrohana From: elrohana Date: February 11th, 2009 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I believe in lots of beautiful things, but true love is not something that any more than about 2% of the population of the world ever find. Therefore believing that it is going to happen to me is as stupid as believing its only a matter of time before I win a million on the Lottery.
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jorune From: jorune Date: February 10th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
cbr_paul From: cbr_paul Date: February 10th, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
True love is a great thing, nearly as great as a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe...
purp1e_magic From: purp1e_magic Date: February 11th, 2009 10:50 am (UTC) (Link)
This is one of the reasons arranged marriages work so well. You know your lot, and you make it work. Your parents, or whoever is choosing for you, are usually the people around you that know you best, and they can choose someone to suit you with an objective eye. And if they really know you as well as they thought, and aren't blinded by their own agenda, generally they will choose someone who fits you like a glove. But there's no 'true love'. You always have to work hard to make it work. Over time, love and fondness come anyway.

Personally, I think it's a stupid system, mainly because you're taking the power out of the person's life, and colouring it with another agenda, even if it is well-meaning. But if you do go into a relationship through love alone, you shouldn't let it blind you to other issues you undoubtedly will have, and stop it from making you work at those rather than just float along because 'love will pull you through, and if it doesn't work he/she isn't The One'.

But then this isn't new to me. I remember having long discussions about this sort of thing with Peter long before we were engaged.
elrohana From: elrohana Date: February 11th, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd agree with most of that, PM. When I was about 16, I believed in true love. Partly because my parents had such a fantastic relationship and adored each other. Neither of them ever thought of anyone else, to the day my dad died - and even now, 11 years later, Mum doesn't think about anyone else (and she was a YOUNG 60 when he died).

I very quickly realised that the real world isn't like that.

Hard work is the key to ANY successful relationship.
7 comments or Leave a comment