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EEEeeeeevil - Ed's journal
sobrique
sobrique
EEEeeeeevil
I have experienced the ultimate evil.

Yes, I have been to Ikea. I have experienced this massive operation of large scale swedish brain washing.

I have held to the belief that Ikea is the death knell of bachelorhood, and now I, having experienced this evil, I am now convinced.

In Ikea, one must follow the Ikea way. There is a path, around the show room, which by sheer force of crowd pressure (does that count as peer pressure?) you must follow. Going the Other Way is non compliant, and you will encounter a stream of resistance.

And you will see things, gruesome images of 'nice' furniture, shocking sights of poor blokes tormented into qualitative decisions by their girlfriends and
horrific scenes of twee living rooms.

It is a terrible place. For as you progress around the showroom, your will to resist the Ikea way is insidiously eroded.

And just about the point where you feel you can take NO MORE, as you complete the path around the showroom, and you must leave or else crack, you find that there is no way out. You must face the terror of the market place, where you must select accessories for your newly acquired furniture.

It is pyschologically calculated insidiousness. There has been a rash of weddings and engagements recently, and I am convinced that the evils of Ikea are to blame.

I think I managed to escape unscathed, and yet even I had to force myself to resist the allure of a Really Comfy chair. sebbo is doomed.

I went for two 'cheap but big' bookshelves. I left with the bookshelves, a computer desk, and another twenty quid's worth of stuff. This I consider a minor price to pay, in this lesson. NEVER AGAIN! I declare.

Thankfully, I was able to re-assert the balance of my psyche, by watching Fight Club whilst assembling Ikea furniture. This I feel, was irony at it's best.

On a slightly related point, does anyone else think that jorune might be in need of brainwashing, getting married, and settling in his nice house? :)

I was vaguely concerned that I was overdoing it on 2 bookshelves, + a 3rd from a friend (thanks gingerboy) but I've managed to fill them. It's so good to be seeing my books once more. I have now 'found' a huge stack of books, and thought 'ooh, would like to read that again.

Oh and the garden, front and back, has been brutally butchered by judicious use of weedkiller, a strimmer and a lawnmower (Thanks to paulw).

Somehow I managed to 'use up' all my strimmer flex which is rather a lot. Mostly I think due to the horrific amounts of plasticy toys, bits of metal that used to be lager cans, and ... well over enthusiasm on my part...
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Comments
jambon_gris From: jambon_gris Date: July 12th, 2004 08:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Ikea cant be the ultimate evil after all half an hour with a flame thrower should dispose of the a whole warehouse full of the suff.
Hold on...
isnt modern furniture treated with fire retardants
EEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL

Is this a job for Super Kev?
sobrique From: sobrique Date: July 12th, 2004 08:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Are you calling Kev a fire retardant? That's a bit harsh innit?
jambon_gris From: jambon_gris Date: July 13th, 2004 05:15 am (UTC) (Link)
"Im a fire starter, a retarded fire starter"
The prodigy
nuala From: nuala Date: July 13th, 2004 07:18 am (UTC) (Link)
We own 2 cd towers and 6 bookshelves of varying sizes. All from Ikea. Oh, and my desk chair. I don't care for MDF and particle board. Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather my furniture be shaped from solid wood (I'll forgive the desk chair, cushiony comfort is acceptable). However, Ikeas, regardless of where they crouch in the world, follow the same genetic make up. The same path, the same market place, the same twee settings. It's an evil plot.

Shit. The little cabinets in our bathrooms are both Ikean as well. Forgot about that. The idiot who designed said cabinets forgot about the laws of physics. A glass door front on a small, free standing, MDF cabinet will, every single time it is opened, obey the laws of gravity. Annoying, that.
sobrique From: sobrique Date: July 13th, 2004 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, of the two couples I know who are currently engaged, both shopped at Ikea before they did.

It is Doom!. The time frame seems to be 3-5 years from the first shopping trip.

I'm hoping I got away unscathed. Well, with just the 'tax'
nuala From: nuala Date: July 13th, 2004 08:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic. My marriage is a sham, nothing more than an evil Ikean curse plot to rule the world.

I met Andrew in '94. Some years later, still friends, he drops me an email, "I'm in NYC on business, Baltimore isn't so far by train. Want to hang out?" Baltimore is one of the few places in the States that is home to an Ikea store. During either that visit or one of his subsequent visits (prior to us declaring exclusivity, mind you, prior to anything other than the most CASUAL of dating), he says, "Let's go to Ikea! I'm curious as to whether it's the same as it is at home!" My first visit to Ikea was with Andrew. Not only did we meet at a MUD-meet (blast that evil internet!), but we sealed our doom fate by shopping together at Ikea. Damn Ikea! Damn it to Hell!
< /end silliness >

It sure does explain a lot. ;o)
sobrique From: sobrique Date: July 13th, 2004 08:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah! A 3rd victim of the evil swedish propaganda machine!
From: portilis Date: August 19th, 2004 07:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah-hah!

Not is all doomed my friend.

For it is more than 5 years since I began shopping at Ikea, and lo and behold, it's me...

Quite a bit of the furniture for both my old and new houses was Ikean. The bedside cabinets, my wardrobes in the old place (which sadly had to be left behind due to being nigh on impossible to remove from the house), my dining table and chairs, a huge computer desk (large enough for the computers of both myself and bouncyinsomniac), and many many bookshelves (currently on 4 of the tall ones, needing realistically 2-3 more), amongst other things.


Personally I quite like them - they aren't too expensive, the stuff will last and looks a lot better than most places with similar prices.

And I'm not engaged, nor can I see it being likely to happen in the near future. Not because of any lack of feeling, but because neither myself nor bouncyinsomniac are particularly keen on the entire marriage concept.

See, life without the ball and chain is possible :)
sobrique From: sobrique Date: August 19th, 2004 08:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Nonono. You see, that's not the way it works. Ikea is a brainwashing operation, and once you start making quality decisions about The Furniture (eg. which veneer do we want on our bookshelves) then that fate is close.

It _is_ possible to escape Ikea, but one must be very cautious.

Tim and Eve "weren't particularly keen" on the idea, but they're now engaged...

And I'm confident it was a direct result of the 'nesting instinct' triggered by Ikea.
From: portilis Date: August 19th, 2004 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, but this is me.

Simple decision making process... i.e. it's my house, I choose the furniature.
absintheskiss From: absintheskiss Date: June 13th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
All i can answer with is this (if it works..

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